Sometimes I make myself mad. Sometimes I make myself so mad that everyone around me wonders what they might have done to cause a scowl to ramp up on my face and cold air to gather around my presence. My day started out nice. The Easter baskets were a hit. I woke up early so I started cleaning the house. Lately, though, Anthony, my six month old doesn't like to get away from me for more than a few minutes. So, I'm trying to clean (so the house is nice when the family comes for dinner after church) and Anthony's screaming bloody murder. I ask my daughter to bring me his suit so I can dress him for church. She comes down with two halves from two different suits. She's eight, what the heck was I thinking? My husband is outside the whole time innocently doing yard work, while I'm getting myself all worked up. Why doesn't he help? I can't be in two places at once!
I finally pick up Anthony and head upstairs and trip up the first two. I yell, "Don't worry about me, anyone, I just fell down!"
Instantly my daughter came running, "I was trying to find the rest of the suit!"
"Not you, Maddy, I'm not mad at you Maddy", I said.
I can't seem to figure out two things: Why do mothers think they can or even should do everything? and why do we try to be perfect?
The house was clean enough. It didn't need mopped.
I'm not perfect and I can't do it all myself. Is that so bad?
Today I was stuck with an image in my mind. It's one I've never thought of before, but it will be with me forever. I know intellectually that Jesus died for my sins. But today, as I contemplated his death, I imagined him calling my name as he hung on the cross.
covered in blood, in excruciating pain, he called out to me,
"Jessica," like a mother would yell in the afternoon street when her child was taking too long to get home.
"Jessica," he yelled, in his dying breaths, he was calling out to me, the one he loves.
because he loved me enough
to die
If Jesus loves me that much, I need to start talking to myself a lot differently. I need to start saying things I would say to a friend when they were tired.
I would say, "Relax. I love you just the way you are."
God Bless You and I love you!!!
Luke 11:17
Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them: "Any kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and a house divided against itself will fall.
Monday, April 5, 2010
What you see is what you get?
I saw an incredible thing today. I've always hated it when businesses pay people to stand outside and hold a sign or wear a costume when it's cold and / or raining outside. On my way home from an Easter egg hunt, it was raining, windy and disgusting. While I was driving, I saw one of those guys throw down his sign and start running across the street. "Alright, Maddy, he's had it! Good for him!" I laughed and watched as he crossed the road. As I drove on, I saw two women at a bus stop, one holding a tiny little girl. I watched in my rear view mirror and saw what was really happening: The man took off his rain slicker and covered the little girl. He was not running from a torturous task, he was running toward a heroic one.
Too often what we see is based on what we think is going to happen. This man who I would have felt sorry for, who I thought was being abused, was looking out for someone in greater need than him. It was a beautiful reminder of all that is right with the world. No matter how difficult things can be, we all have the ability, and opportunity (if we look) to help others. Losing weight can be a testimony to those around me, showing them that we can do things when we persevere and believe.
As I continue my journey, I hope that I do so with my eyes open. I don't want to narrow my world into what I think it should be.
And I can't help but remember, when Jesus was getting abused, he was actually running across the divide to cover me.
God Bless You and I love you!!!!
Matthew 6:21-23 (New International Version)
21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
22"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light.
23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
Too often what we see is based on what we think is going to happen. This man who I would have felt sorry for, who I thought was being abused, was looking out for someone in greater need than him. It was a beautiful reminder of all that is right with the world. No matter how difficult things can be, we all have the ability, and opportunity (if we look) to help others. Losing weight can be a testimony to those around me, showing them that we can do things when we persevere and believe.
As I continue my journey, I hope that I do so with my eyes open. I don't want to narrow my world into what I think it should be.
And I can't help but remember, when Jesus was getting abused, he was actually running across the divide to cover me.
God Bless You and I love you!!!!
Matthew 6:21-23 (New International Version)
21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
22"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light.
23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
Dealing with weakness
We all have weaknesses. I have been in an ongoing conversation with a friend about sin and confession. The whole thing started with the idea of confessing every sin you've committed since becoming a Christian. I didn't like that one. Not because I don't confess my sin, not that at all. Me and God are on speaking terms 24/7, although I don't know if he likes the late night calls about every little sound I hear in the house.
Here's my problem: sin in a Christian's life does not mean that he or she does not love God. It means you are either growing, and continually moving away from sin or you are backsliding and moving away from God. In light of my sins, I wouldn't want to give a different impression than the truth: I am a human being who genuinely loves my Lord and boy has he taken me a long way away from where I once was!
Think about this: some people can spend an hour every day in the gym. Some will take a long time to get to that point. My husband used to get mad at me when I would take breaks during a work out video. He didn't understand that I was not giving up. I was building up. I was weak and I needed to build myself up to become stronger.
Life is a process. Jesus died to forgive all our sins and to bring us through the process. Today I am so thankful for my forgiveness. I love Jesus and I am grateful beyond words for his sacrifice. May you all be blessed during this season!
God Bless You and I love you!!!
The Weak and the Strong - Romans 14
1Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.
2One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables.
3The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him.
4Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
5One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.
6He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord. He who eats meat, eats to the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains, does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God.
7For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone.
8If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.
9For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.
10You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God's
judgment seat.
11 It is written:" 'As surely as I live,' says the Lord, 'every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God.' "[a]
12So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.
13Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or
obstacle in your brother's way
Here's my problem: sin in a Christian's life does not mean that he or she does not love God. It means you are either growing, and continually moving away from sin or you are backsliding and moving away from God. In light of my sins, I wouldn't want to give a different impression than the truth: I am a human being who genuinely loves my Lord and boy has he taken me a long way away from where I once was!
Think about this: some people can spend an hour every day in the gym. Some will take a long time to get to that point. My husband used to get mad at me when I would take breaks during a work out video. He didn't understand that I was not giving up. I was building up. I was weak and I needed to build myself up to become stronger.
Life is a process. Jesus died to forgive all our sins and to bring us through the process. Today I am so thankful for my forgiveness. I love Jesus and I am grateful beyond words for his sacrifice. May you all be blessed during this season!
God Bless You and I love you!!!
The Weak and the Strong - Romans 14
1Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.
2One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables.
3The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him.
4Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
5One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.
6He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord. He who eats meat, eats to the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains, does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God.
7For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone.
8If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.
9For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.
10You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God's
judgment seat.
11 It is written:" 'As surely as I live,' says the Lord, 'every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God.' "[a]
12So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.
13Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or
obstacle in your brother's way
Hard work pays off
It's been an amazing day. I got so much done. From homework, to yardwork, to cooking like a chef, I did it all. I love days like these. My favorite thing is the payoff that comes with hard work. We've been putting in a new patio and it's been a LOT of work and a huge mess. Steve had three different people quote a price to haul it all off and all of them were in the three hundred dollar range. Then, one perfectly honest guy gave us some good advice: do it yourself. Not what we were expecting after all the doing it ourselves we already did. Today, we got back in there and started just that. It was a lot of work, but so beautiful within only a couple of hours. I carried three trees today and moved them! Okay, pine trees are not that heavy, but it felt so good looking at the empty spaces where piles of debris once sat. This is my devotion for today: hard work pays off. I've been working out since I had Anthony and little by little the weight is coming off, and I'm glad, but the important thing to remember when the going is slow is that it Will pay off in the end.
One more thing. I have such a good family. After working in the yard, I took a hot bubble bath. I ran the jets for a few minutes to make the bubbles three feet tall and then came my favorite. Maddy likes me to poke my feet out one at a time and she scrubs them and rubs them. She's such a sweet heart. We played scrabble after dinner while Steve played with Anthony.
Such a good day!
Proverbs 28:19 (New International Version)
19 He who works his land will have abundant food,
but the one who chases fantasies will have his fill of poverty.
One more thing. I have such a good family. After working in the yard, I took a hot bubble bath. I ran the jets for a few minutes to make the bubbles three feet tall and then came my favorite. Maddy likes me to poke my feet out one at a time and she scrubs them and rubs them. She's such a sweet heart. We played scrabble after dinner while Steve played with Anthony.
Such a good day!
Proverbs 28:19 (New International Version)
19 He who works his land will have abundant food,
but the one who chases fantasies will have his fill of poverty.
Empty handed
Today, I got the news I was waiting for. Well, kind of. After three interviews with a great company, I got mail. The e-mail said, "you have not been selected." This was the second job that I had been interviewed for with the same results. I called my husband, "I have bad news."
After telling him about the e-mail, my eyes swelling with tears, he said, "What bad news?"
We decided after the interviews that it was in God's hands. I knew I probably wouldn't like either job, but I was eager to contribute. Instead, I am left empty handed.
A few hours later, I dutifully went to my dentist's appointment even with a raging head cold. I sat in the waiting room for an hour. This is unheard of at my dentist, so forgiveness was in order no matter how bad my day was. He visually inspected my teeth and after weeks of jaw and tooth pain I was sent away. He said that the top on one side was too high, but the teeth would fall.
Left empty handed again.
As I pulled out of the dentist's office into the sweet spring air, I thought about this state of having nothing in my hands. There are plenty of times in my life when I would fill those empty hands with delicious things that would make me feel better: cookies, coffee, pretty much anything carbolicious. But this time I wouldn't do that. I'd let God fill my hands.
Like my husband said, "What bad news?" I'm a good enough job candidate to be called more than once in a month. My teeth are strangely going to be okay and my hands are completely empty
so that God can fill them with what HE wants!
That's a good place to be!
1 Thessalonians 5:18
give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
After telling him about the e-mail, my eyes swelling with tears, he said, "What bad news?"
We decided after the interviews that it was in God's hands. I knew I probably wouldn't like either job, but I was eager to contribute. Instead, I am left empty handed.
A few hours later, I dutifully went to my dentist's appointment even with a raging head cold. I sat in the waiting room for an hour. This is unheard of at my dentist, so forgiveness was in order no matter how bad my day was. He visually inspected my teeth and after weeks of jaw and tooth pain I was sent away. He said that the top on one side was too high, but the teeth would fall.
Left empty handed again.
As I pulled out of the dentist's office into the sweet spring air, I thought about this state of having nothing in my hands. There are plenty of times in my life when I would fill those empty hands with delicious things that would make me feel better: cookies, coffee, pretty much anything carbolicious. But this time I wouldn't do that. I'd let God fill my hands.
Like my husband said, "What bad news?" I'm a good enough job candidate to be called more than once in a month. My teeth are strangely going to be okay and my hands are completely empty
so that God can fill them with what HE wants!
That's a good place to be!
1 Thessalonians 5:18
give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
Reinventing the wheel
Last Sunday at church, I was talking to a complete stranger about an idea I had. Weird, I know, but it was meant to be. While we were talking, he made the statement, "You don't want to get into reinventing the wheel." To be totally honest, it's one of those adages I never understood. Okay, I personally think everyone has a few of those, but I'm here to admit it. For years, I didn't understand what hanging someone out to dry meant until the invention of the internet. But that's not the point.
We were talking about using something already there to make something new. Basically, life is about reinventing the wheel. I sat in complete awe this afternoon of my husband. He got an idea a few weeks ago to take out the existing brick patio and build a new one. That was a workout in itself. But tonight, as I sat on the new patio holding my son drenched in the evening rays of light (thanks to daylight savings, hrmph), I watched him plaster stucco on one of two brick pillars he made out of the brick that used to be the patio.
Amazed. My husband took what looked old and disgusting and broken and made it into something beautiful. Sometimes as I struggle to lose weight for good, not for a few months, I think that maybe I can't do it. I think look at this belly, covered in pink roads. Look at this stretched out poofy body. Can it ever be small? Can it pop a muscle?
I choose to believe that yes, I can do it. If my husband can use a bunch of old moldy (moss, I know, whatever) bricks to build a beatiful stone pillar for a lamp post, I can remodel this big bag of delicious into a small sillhouette of lovely.
God Bless You and I love you!
2 Corinthians 5:7
We live by faith, not by sight.
P.S. Today is weigh-in day. And I lost 3.8lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We were talking about using something already there to make something new. Basically, life is about reinventing the wheel. I sat in complete awe this afternoon of my husband. He got an idea a few weeks ago to take out the existing brick patio and build a new one. That was a workout in itself. But tonight, as I sat on the new patio holding my son drenched in the evening rays of light (thanks to daylight savings, hrmph), I watched him plaster stucco on one of two brick pillars he made out of the brick that used to be the patio.
Amazed. My husband took what looked old and disgusting and broken and made it into something beautiful. Sometimes as I struggle to lose weight for good, not for a few months, I think that maybe I can't do it. I think look at this belly, covered in pink roads. Look at this stretched out poofy body. Can it ever be small? Can it pop a muscle?
I choose to believe that yes, I can do it. If my husband can use a bunch of old moldy (moss, I know, whatever) bricks to build a beatiful stone pillar for a lamp post, I can remodel this big bag of delicious into a small sillhouette of lovely.
God Bless You and I love you!
2 Corinthians 5:7
We live by faith, not by sight.
P.S. Today is weigh-in day. And I lost 3.8lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nerve Attack
I've been in school for six years. SIX years. I am completing a 30 page research paper to finish the whole thing with a bang. Now, I spent hours today making the final touches when.........the screen went black.
The culprit?
My six month old son found the computer cord I dutifully hid in the crevace between the couch and the table and managed to disconnect it. The black screen was followed by shouts of "NO, NO" and it was not in disbelief, but in total delusion that a six month old should know what the heck I am saying.
His big brown eyes blinked at me and filled with tears. I held him tight knowing fully that I was sending a drastically mixed message. I placed his busy butt in the swing and plugged in the computer. It would be an eternity before I found out if it was "autosaved".
In the kitchen I slammed around pans, mentally cursing my husband for cooking dinner yesterday while I felt sick. Why did he do that? He only made more work for me!
Sound familiar? I love my hubby and I was incredibly grateful that he made dinner, but at the moment, I was in the middle of a temper tantrum, and yes, I grabbed a handful of ______ to calm myself down.
cereal.
I'm a total carbaholic, but somehow it seemed better than spooning one heap after another of peanut butter down my mouth or finding any number of ways to eat bread. (Which some of you know I am not supposed to eat at all because I have Celiac Sprue)
Cereal.
I didn't do what I should have, wait and hope for the best. I pray that God will help me to be calm and stop going to the cupboard for a little help from my friends.
P.S. Although I started my day by putting on a sports bra and bringing socks downstairs so I could put on my workout shoes and get hopping, in light of my responsibilities for the day, I thought it better to wait. For that reason, I will now attempt to squeeze an hour magically into my day.
God Bless You, Love You!!!!
Psalm 85:8
I will listen to what God the LORD will say; he promises peace to his people, his saints— but let them not return to folly.
The culprit?
My six month old son found the computer cord I dutifully hid in the crevace between the couch and the table and managed to disconnect it. The black screen was followed by shouts of "NO, NO" and it was not in disbelief, but in total delusion that a six month old should know what the heck I am saying.
His big brown eyes blinked at me and filled with tears. I held him tight knowing fully that I was sending a drastically mixed message. I placed his busy butt in the swing and plugged in the computer. It would be an eternity before I found out if it was "autosaved".
In the kitchen I slammed around pans, mentally cursing my husband for cooking dinner yesterday while I felt sick. Why did he do that? He only made more work for me!
Sound familiar? I love my hubby and I was incredibly grateful that he made dinner, but at the moment, I was in the middle of a temper tantrum, and yes, I grabbed a handful of ______ to calm myself down.
cereal.
I'm a total carbaholic, but somehow it seemed better than spooning one heap after another of peanut butter down my mouth or finding any number of ways to eat bread. (Which some of you know I am not supposed to eat at all because I have Celiac Sprue)
Cereal.
I didn't do what I should have, wait and hope for the best. I pray that God will help me to be calm and stop going to the cupboard for a little help from my friends.
P.S. Although I started my day by putting on a sports bra and bringing socks downstairs so I could put on my workout shoes and get hopping, in light of my responsibilities for the day, I thought it better to wait. For that reason, I will now attempt to squeeze an hour magically into my day.
God Bless You, Love You!!!!
Psalm 85:8
I will listen to what God the LORD will say; he promises peace to his people, his saints— but let them not return to folly.
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