Talking to myself

Sometimes I make myself mad. Sometimes I make myself so mad that everyone around me wonders what they might have done to cause a scowl to ramp up on my face and cold air to gather around my presence. My day started out nice. The Easter baskets were a hit. I woke up early so I started cleaning the house. Lately, though, Anthony, my six month old doesn't like to get away from me for more than a few minutes. So, I'm trying to clean (so the house is nice when the family comes for dinner after church) and Anthony's screaming bloody murder. I ask my daughter to bring me his suit so I can dress him for church. She comes down with two halves from two different suits. She's eight, what the heck was I thinking? My husband is outside the whole time innocently doing yard work, while I'm getting myself all worked up. Why doesn't he help? I can't be in two places at once!

I finally pick up Anthony and head upstairs and trip up the first two. I yell, "Don't worry about me, anyone, I just fell down!"

Instantly my daughter came running, "I was trying to find the rest of the suit!"

"Not you, Maddy, I'm not mad at you Maddy", I said.

I can't seem to figure out two things: Why do mothers think they can or even should do everything? and why do we try to be perfect?

The house was clean enough. It didn't need mopped.

I'm not perfect and I can't do it all myself. Is that so bad?

Today I was stuck with an image in my mind. It's one I've never thought of before, but it will be with me forever. I know intellectually that Jesus died for my sins. But today, as I contemplated his death, I imagined him calling my name as he hung on the cross.

covered in blood, in excruciating pain, he called out to me,

"Jessica," like a mother would yell in the afternoon street when her child was taking too long to get home.

"Jessica," he yelled, in his dying breaths, he was calling out to me, the one he loves.

because he loved me enough

to die

If Jesus loves me that much, I need to start talking to myself a lot differently. I need to start saying things I would say to a friend when they were tired.

I would say, "Relax. I love you just the way you are."


God Bless You and I love you!!!

Luke 11:17
Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them: "Any kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and a house divided against itself will fall.